Needing Advice
by ColourfulZebra
Summary: Garrus comes to James for relationship advice, probably not the smartest idea. One-shot Garrus/F-Shep rated T.


**A/N: I imagine that inside James is really a big softie, he only behaves as he does to appear 'tough' to his comrades. This takes place in ME-3, Garrus and Shepard haven't pursued a relationship in ME-2.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Mass effect, if I did there would be a lot more female aliens running around.**

* * *

He wasn't a fan of loud music, just because his ears weren't visible, didn't mean he didn't have them. The beat pounded, it felt like it was rattling his brain, but he needed help and the only person he felt could provide it was sitting at the bar in Purgatory.

"Vega?" He called out, trying to get above the bass that was strong enough to vibrate through the plates in his armour. Leaning against the bar, he ordered a drink, the dextro alcohol a deep purple in colour, and downed it in one hit.

James was preoccupied by some asari dancer who was trying to give the guy a lap dance, made difficult by the man's bulky frame on a small bar stool. "Kinda busy Vakarian, what do you want?" He slipped the girl some money and she stalked off to find someone else, freeing James to face the turian.

"I need some… assistance."

"With what?" His eyes narrowed, unsure what he could do for the alien- it wasn't like they were 'chummy', Garrus was very disciplined, James… wasn't. "You ain't got more mercs on your back have you? Ever heard of shore leave, it's this thing where you get off the ship and you _don't_ shoot people for a change."

"Of course I know what shore leave means and I wasn't coming to you for help shooting people, though I'd happily use you in practice- as the target." His mandibles twitched upward, grinning at James's expense.

Vega rolled his eyes; just because the turian beat him in a fist fight suddenly the jokes were coming out of the wood work. Going back to the subject he hoped that would keep things on track. "So what can I do to assist you?"

Garrus glanced over at the asari, now grinding against a fellow turian; he was stuffing money down her pants in the hopes for more action- pitiful. As soon as a turian left Palaven they went soft and became a little desperate- with a lack of female contact on the citadel it was any wonder inter-species relationships were so high. Then he thought of his own situation and had to stop himself from chuckling, lest James assumed him crazy or something. "I'm having… relationship issues." He began, trying to be vague.

Vega's eyebrows rose into his figurative hairline- the buzz cut ruined the analogy somewhat. "You've come to me for relationship advice?" He barked out a laugh and threw back a shot. "I can understand why, I'm pretty hip with the ladies." He wriggled his eyebrows in the direction of a human female, pumped his bicep and had her rolling her eyes and walking away.

Garrus got the impression that was a bad thing but humans were a _strange _bunch, anything was possible. He dropped down into the free stool, it felt like forever since he'd last sat down. "So uh, I like this girl- she knows- but I'm not sure how to- as you human's call it 'woo' her. She has expressed interest but not having seen human courtship I'm a little unsure how to proceed. Did I mention she was human cause… she is…"

"Garrus, you dog! I didn't realise you swung that way- toward humans I mean- I had a feeling you weren't gay… Cortez will be disappointed." He smirked. "Only joking."

Garrus didn't have eyebrows but his forehead twitched in a manner similar to raising one. "I didn't quite translate 'dog' or 'gay'. I shall have to research on the extranet later. As for Cortez's disappointment, I'm sure he'll be fine?"

James just about fell off his stool. "You should definitely do that, just don't search for them together, I think you can forgo a scarring experience like that. So who's the lucky lady anyway? A stud like you shouldn't have any problem getting together with some little lady, just tell her your war stories- like how you got that scar and she should be swooning all over the place."

"Is swooning a good thing?" He appeared slightly disturbed.

"Yeah, that's how you know it's working, they get that look on their face- the one that says 'your my hero' and the next thing you know they've got your pants down your ankles and you're- uhh… never mind."

Talking to James made the headache worse, he was a complex creature, though Garrus had a feeling human females thought the opposite. "What if she already knows my war stories, how I got the scar, how I helped kill Saren, destroying the human reaper? What do I do then?"

"Huh, you gave away all your trump cards already? No wonder she's interested. Well if you've skipped all the boring conversation, listening to her feelings, that sort of junk then I suppose you should cut straight to the chase. Take her to dinner, eat in, either way, tell her you want to do her, she'll jump for the chance."

"My trump cards?" He rubbed his temple, this human speak would destroy him. "So it's just that simple, just tell her I want to… have relations?"

James snorted. "Yeah 'relations', however you want to say it. Just remember to stay cool."

"Thanks for your… insight, it was very informative."

"Yeah, yeah, no problems. When you get in her pants you can thank me later."

Garrus stood up and turned to leave.

James voice cut through loud over the hum of music. "Oh my god, its Shepard isn't it?"

The turian spun around, eyes wide in his cranium. "Shhhh! Don't yell it out."

"Oh dude…" James looked stunned. "Good luck with that one, yikes!"

* * *

So that's how he ended up sitting on the end of Shepard's bed, staring down at his empty plate. Placing it over on her bedside, he glanced back at the woman he'd fallen for, his six fingers curling together in an imitation of Tali's nervous habit. "Every time I see you I just want to uh… _do_ you…" He trailed off, waiting for her to 'swoon'.

Shepard eyed the turian off, her expression giving away her confusion. "Have you been talking to Vega?" She asked, stifling her laughter by chewing her lip.

"Maybe… Why?" He obviously didn't understand what he'd said.

"No reason. But don't worry, the feelings mutual Vakarian. I want to do you too." She smirked.

Garrus looked shocked as Shepard grabbed him by the front of his collar and pulled him in for a kiss. "Guess his advice wasn't all bad." The turian muttered when they pulled away, smiling sheepishly at his commander.


End file.
